Emergence

Inspiration.
Purpose.
Presence.
Foundation.
Gratitude.

I sat with each one of these words when deciding which I would select for 2023. I could have chosen any one of the above and it could have been a fit. I can see myself within each one, picture how my year could unfold with each as a guidepost.

I walked into Ciara Burton’s Word of the Year Workshop 99% certain my word of the year would be Purpose. I had read and written about its definition, how I personally wanted to define it, even how it was defined and explained within the Bible. Yet what landed on me when I was fully dialed into how I want to live in 2023 was the word emergence. It became crystal clear to me how these other words were simply my building blocks; they served as the roadmap which brought me here.

Reflecting on past years and words, embrace for 2022 and free in 2021, I realize just how much nestling in I have done since 2020. I have spent the better part of three years looking inward, healing physically and mentally, and energetically allowing myself to focus in on the cocoon I built around my life with three young boys.

After leaving my career behind in order to be a more present mother while my children are young, I also held on tightly to the idea of one day going back. This was simply a break, not a break-up. My identity had been so wrapped up in this job that it had started to define who I thought I was, or how I needed the world to see me. In reality, walking away from my career in sports and higher education was actually the first step in cracking wide open my true heart’s desires. It gave me a glimpse into who I could be.

I then broke wide open again, in the most raw and real way possible, after having my third son (our rainbow baby). My entire world shifted when we brought this new soul into the world and I found myself once again deep in the trenches. Healing is not linear, it’s a messy, sometimes life-long process. And despite the over abundance of blessings coming my way, I was drowning.

I wouldn’t wish what I’ve walked through on anyone, but I also know I’m not alone in any of it. We all share similar stories in one way or another. And what I have learned, more potently this past year than any other, is how, when fully committed to feeling and freeing yourself from all of it - there is so much light on the other side. Life is never going to be free from pain, but as you learn to rescue yourself on repeat, like the reps in a workout, you begin to more deeply understand how capable you actually are. You begin to stand more confidently in your own knowledge, beauty, strength, faith, and freedom. I’ve seen it first hand. In myself, and in my closest friends.

God, speaking through the Prophet Isaiah, declares the promise of emergence from darkness to light. “The people who walked in darkness have seen great light,” shouts the Prophet (Isaiah 9:2). God Himself declares how the faithful will emerge from the darkness which surrounds us. I refuse to view myself as a victim; instead I fight for, and have found, peace. Light.

Emergence is defined as coming into view after being concealed; coming into being. While I feel very strongly that each of us should confidently share our unique talents with the world, when selecting emergence, it’s meaning to me wasn’t about external approval (something I’ve also struggled with my entire life). Instead, my focus is purely internal. Emergence serves as the promise I am making to myself in 2023. This year I choose to stand firmly in my own light; to honor who I am at my core. It is the energy behind how I show up each and every day; for myself, my God, my husband, my children, my business(es), my family and friends.

The past few years have encompassed such enormous change, which brought about so many blessings, fears, and life transitions. It would have been incredibly easy to lose myself in all of it. Instead, I found myself. I set myself free and embraced every twist and turn. I discovered and re-discovered passion and purpose. I leaned into motherhood, personal development, and career alignment in exciting and scary new ways; re-aligning it all to better fit how I want to live, how I want to raise my family, and the vibration within our home. Enormous change is hard, and it serves as such a catalyst for transformation.

I barely recognize the former version(s) of myself, but I have so much love and compassion for who she was, and all she went through. I will continue to love her tenderly, but I’m also very ready to move into this new chapter of emergence in 2023, as the highest version of Me.