Endurance.

In 2021 I set myself free.

In 2022 I embraced it all.

In 2023 I allowed myself to emerge.

I dove deeply into a variety of passions: freelance work, brand and logo design, web design, copywriting, blog writing, novel writing, photography, hemp wellness and education, clean beauty, photography, gardening, brand rep experiences, fitness, volunteering. Phew. It was a whirlwind of a year.

I started 2023 with such a pulse on motherhood that it provided me breathing room to explore all these interests while also allowing the spaciousness to be the mother I wanted to be. I had found a really nice balance. Until I didn’t. My year became drastically split into two chapters: before those two blue lines… and after.

So 2023 became the year I would stretch myself a little (ok, a lot) too thin, and dive even deeper into motherhood than ever before. Because it will forever be the year that the title ‘Mom of 4’ emerged as my new reality.

I can’t even begin to understand what life will look like in a few short months with another baby boy to wrap our arms around. I can’t imagine how my heart will expand, but I know it will. And if 2023 has taught me anything, it’s that my mental AND physical toughness are going to be put to the test more than ever in 2024. (I jokingly tell Paul that living in the north again has made me a lot tougher - raking leaves, shoveling snow, and pulling a sled full of kids - all while very pregnant - is definitely not for the weak).

This fourth and final pregnancy has yet again pushed me to my edge, but in all new ways. There’s very little glamour in pregnancy for me, and having a baby doesn’t exactly make any of it any easier. If anything, right now is the easiest I’ll have it for some time. That’s simply my reality.

So, I have decided my word of the year for 2024 will be:

ENDURANCE

definition: the ability to withstand adversity. the power of enduring a difficult process or situation without giving way.

The words that come to the forefront of my mind when I think of endurance include: capacity, grit, courage, fortitude, and patience.

This year I intend to be patient with myself, first and foremost. To acknowledge that this season of motherhood is hard. That being a present wife and mother while raising FOUR strong, kind, faithful, self-sufficient young men is challenging. That not losing myself in it all is something I will battle daily. I will have to stretch more than my arms to hold space for all the love and emotions of four tiny humans (+ one remarkable husband). I will have to say no to A LOT; get incredibly clear on where my priorities need to be, and shift my focus accordingly.

But endurance isn’t exactly about survival. It is more about coaching myself up to thrive within the hard. It’s also about fully recognizing how I am surrounded by blessings, large and small. I can choose to see the joy while also admitting life is tough. They can, and will, co-exist.

The definition of endurance highlights the tough, sure. But for me, endurance also lends itself to the beautiful; to goodness. It’s SO simple to let the hard overwhelm us. To sit in the cycles and stories instead of breaking them. Yet in my experience, choosing the tougher route often leads to the most joy. Accepting that I will need to work to choose joy in the midst of the battlefields of postpartum as a new mom of four, well that will require mental and physical endurance like never before.

There’s countless obstacles that lay ahead (countless blessings too, no doubt), and while I don’t know exactly what they all will be, I’m ready to show myself (and my boys) just how tough I am. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. As a wife. As a mother. As a creative entrepreneur, and a friend. I’m allowing myself to relish in it all this year.

It’s going to be a marathon, but I’ve run one of those before, too. And I know first hand how much all that training pays off in the end. I’ve put in the hours and the reps; I’m ready to get to work.

Here’s to becoming a bit tougher in all the ways in 2024 💪🏼

(And to choosing joy and Jesus, always).

Love, a boy mom x4 🤍 (pinch me)

Paul and I after finishing the 2013 Marine Corps Marathon, just two months before getting engaged.

What a metaphor for our lives this experience turned out to be. My forever best teammate. I am the person I am today, because of my husband.

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