Don’t wait.

October 13, 2020 | Motherhood

Today I turn 35. I absolutely love celebrating the birthdays of those I love, but my own is usually met with equal parts sadness and fear. Getting older is scary. Feeling like you’re not quite where you are supposed to be is scarier. I have spent the better part of the past decade waiting for something to finally click and to feel whole, to feel complete. I am determined for this year to be that year. I have no idea what my life looks like from the outside looking in, but I know what I feel in my heart: I am finally starting to feel complete with the “me” that is here to see my 35th. So here is my best advice to you after 35 years on this earth: Don’t wait.

I see so much waiting happening every day. People waiting for that perfect person. That next job that will be better than their current situation. The picture-perfect house in the ideal city. Waiting to be rescued from what is, or waiting to find the time to invest in their own personal development. I have spent much of my career helping people determine what they want to do with their lives, and I’ve always hedged my bets on helping others discover their dream job; helping them land exactly where they are “supposed to be”…as if it were a location on a map. But our identity and happiness cannot be found in a job, in a house, and especially not in another person. Any external work we do is far inferior compared to that which we choose to do internally. Yes, you may be a CEO, a nurse, or an athlete, but is that all (or most) of what will define you? I believe who we are is truly built in the in-between moments. The ones we rarely slow down enough to fully savor. We rush along while we wait for the next best thing. The experiences we often consider small, unimportant, or are too buried in our phones to even realize they are happening, those are the ones that will construct the makeup of who we really are.

Last night, I danced in the kitchen with my four year old. I wish I could tell you what song was playing, but I can’t. Not because I wasn’t paying attention, but because I was fully captivated by the moment. Dinner on the stove, family talking away in the other room, baby brother yelling; and all I cared about for that small window of time was us. Just us. This moment with Jackson was more defining of who I want to be as a 35 year old woman than any sponsorship activation, department rebranding, or class I’ve taught than I could ever imagine. Jackson’s smile, his laughter… MY smile and laughter. I was genuinely present and aware of the magic that can be created on an average evening in October, if we just allow it to. Maybe Jackson will remember that night, maybe he won’t. But I firmly believe that enough of these small, beautiful moments will build up to a lifetime of memories for him of his Mom. How she cooked and laughed and danced and picked him up and spun him around. And how when he asked to “keep spinning!”, we spun and danced until we were dizzy. How I stopped waiting for the picture perfect life and slowed down enough to truly hear him and see him, wholly and completely. Those mere 90 seconds were by far my favorite of the day, but they could have just as easily not occurred. Instead of asking him to dance with me, I could have been checking an email, looking at Instagram, or distracted by one of the million items on my to-do list. Not only would I have not found myself in this moment, I probably wouldn’t have felt like I had missed anything either. How many of these potential memories have I missed because something else held my attention or was taking priority? We all too often have our heads down doing whatever it takes to get to that next mile marker on our life road map, that we miss the real life occurring all around us.

Yet this is about so much more than creating memories (for ourselves or our children). It is about health and happiness; about why we were put on this earth. Recognizing the magic that lives in the mundane is genuinely how I am healing myself from the inside out. By developing the habits necessary to create the life I want, I have allowed myself so much more grace and joy, so much less stress and anxiety. By truly slowing down and being present, I am actually “waiting” less and less. Perfection is no longer a goal; a specific destination, job, or location all hold much less value. My overwhelming abundance comes from within. Within myself, my soul, my home. And you know what? Jack and Colt having a happy, healthy, present mother who dances in the kitchen, laughs often, and smiles so big that it radiates from the inside out… now THAT is the legacy I want to leave behind. So please, whether you are 35, 22 or 70, put your phone down. Quit the job you hate. Stop binging hours upon hours of television. Do not live on the sidelines of your life. Create magic in whatever you do. Be fun. Be curious. Be genuinely you. And most importantly: Do. Not. Wait. We only have so much time on this earth. Fairytales might be fiction, but our dreams can be manifested into reality if we are truly present enough to see all that has the potential to exist within the landscape of our daily lives.