Safe and loved.
“You are safe. You are loved.”
”I am safe. I am loved.”
At the end of the day, isn’t that all we are really asking for?
I have repeated the statement above to myself on several occasions (it is a portion of an affirmation shared with me by a dear friend on a particularly tough night). When life gets intense or heavy, this mantra helps me remember to just take a moment and breathe. It is true what they say about meditation and mindfulness - with time, it will shift your way of thinking, moving you from a state of reaction to a state of calm. A state of be-ing.
What a lesson to learn at 35.
What an even greater one to learn, and implement, at the age of 5.
Our entire family is recently recovering from some type of stomach bug, and we have all been exhausted as a result. Jackson became increasingly irritable and upset one morning; he began to cry, yell, even hit. I made a choice, and swiftly brought him inside, cleaned off his hands and feet (he is barefoot 99% of the time), and carried him to his bedroom.
From the outside looking in, my behavior probably seemed a lot like coddling, “babying”, even supporting bad behavior. But what anyone other than the two of us would have likely missed was the quiet dialogue during this entire episode. Not one of blame or shame, with words like “we don’t hit” or “stop crying” or “why are you so upset?”. I chose, instead, to take a deep breath myself and show uninterrupted love, repeating quietly those simple words: “you are safe, you are loved. you are safe, you are loved”. Over and over until his breathing slowed and tears grew quiet. He then repeated it for me, stating: “I am safe, I am loved.”
I had not yet thought to implement this technique with my kids, but in that moment the idea just popped into my head. I believe the universe was nudging me to take my leadership within my home a step further. Jackson regained his composure, and actually took a nap for the first time in years. His acts of defiance are almost always connected to his level of exhaustion; he just needs a little help recalibrating from time to time - we all do.
The most moving moment in this story, however, came the next day. Just as I was helping Jackson out of the shower, Colton slipped and hit his head. Jackson and I reached for him instantly, but it was the calm and coolness of my almost-5-year-old that caught my attention most. He gave me a look of: I got this mom, hugged his little brother and quietly whispered into Colton’s ear: “breathe buddy… you are safe, you are loved. you are safe, you are loved.”
I literally had to step back and sit down. I had more pride in that moment than I did when Jackson first learned the ABC’s. My toddler was being nurtured by his big brother in the most genuine, thoughtful way, without any interruption from me. Jackson was implementing a mindfulness technique I had taught him just hours prior, one that he has now repeated both to himself, and to his brother, in the days that have followed.
I pray that both my boys will keep this affirmation in the back of their mind for a lifetime. Store it like a memory, reaching in to retrieve it, or share it with others, when things get scary or sad or confusing. I hope they are able to find strength in the truth that they are safe and loved. Unconditionally. By their mom and dad, and their God.
And I hope you do, too.
Take a deep breath and repeat: I am safe. I am loved.
(Thank you, T, for inspiring this story 💛)